All!
Please check out my new blog Samuel D. Jacobs. It will not be like The Daily Pube. Sorry to disappoint. I'm using it to showcase my original fiction and articles as well as inspriational photos taken by me and by others. Don't expect any photoshops or uber babes.
Let me know what you think!
~McTickle
Sorry fans. This site is boring to me now. I've actually felt this way for a while. It's not you, it's me. Scarlett loves you. Patrick loves you. McTickle loves you. But McTickle just doesn't love writing The Daily Pube anymore. Fear not though, I do not plan on deleting the site. And if J-Mart Escobar wishes to continue to post that's up to him. I may even post a little something once in a while. However, for now I regret to inform everyone that The Daily Pube is going on hiatus. An extended sabbatical, if you will.
I am continuing to write though. I am working on something that I feel pretty proud of so far that is not a blog. I will post updates in regards to a possible new website, and possibly a new blog with a more specific subject.
It's been real.
~McTickle
Dear Marissa-
First off, I am not (repeat I AM NOT) just writing you this letter of apology because you got named Maxim’s hottest chick in the world. That has little to do with anything (well, no its important...I want you to feel sexy...I do), but really I’m just writing you to say I’m sorry. I should have never strayed off the trusted path (notice how I didn’t say the beaten path....see I’m improving). ANYWAY. Mila was a mistake. I admit it, I’m ready to move on and I hope that you’re ready to take me back. Please tell me you understand. Please.
How do I plan to make it up to you? Well, I thought long and (HARD) about my mistake, and most of all I’m just really disappointed in myself. You deserve so much better. Can I sing you a song? Please, can I, please? I think that’s a good starting point, don’t you? What’s more romantic than that?
I know that I look like a total douche bag to the rest of the Pubers, but I don’t care. This is about you and I, not about them. So what if I’ll be ridiculed and called J-Mart Vagina for the rest of my life? I DON’T CARE. I love you. McTickle, Big Dan, Ken of Snakes, Scotty Doesn’t Know? All of them don’t know. They don’t know what we ha(d)ve.
What have I done for you lately and where was I to congratulate you on making the cover of SI swimsuit? Well excuse me. First of all, I fought McTickle tooth-n-nail to put you atop the Pube’s hottest babes list. I think I somewhat succeeded, you were in the top 5. And since I couldn’t be there in NY for the party, I sent McTickle in my place whom you apparently didn’t have the time of day for. So you see, this is a bit of a two way street. I’m trying, I hope you recognize that.
Back to the issue at hand. I’ve picked a song (that I’ll never heard the end of from the other Pubers) just for you. Until I see you next, I want you to familiarize yourself with it so that when I sit on your bed and sing it to you, you can light a lighter (or candle) and sort of sway side to side and whisper the words....
Have a listen. And please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take me back.
I’m sorry.
J-Mart Escobar
I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall Friday night. It was hilarious, to say the least. Judd Apatow and I are now friends on Facebook. It's nifty.
My issue though, was having to sit through the 3 minute preview for the Sex & The City movie. I hated this show when it was on HBO. You couldn't pay me enough to watch the movie on TBS while drinking scotch & soda and getting a soft, yet firm hummer from this week's uber babe Michelle Branch.
Sex & The City, at least in my mind is what has turned New York from a cool, hip, and edgy city into what it is today - overrun with douche bags, and young 20 somethings who think their shit don't stink just because they wear expensive designer shoes and live on the upper east side. Some of us REALLY liked getting drunk at The Village Idiot with its smell of stale vomit. We liked that! The meat packing district was once for packing meat, not trendy restaurants and overpriced real estate.
Or perhaps I really just despise Sarah Jessica Parker. She looks like a horse. 2000 World Series - Mets vs Yankees - there she is in the front row in her pink Yankees hat. BLECH x 2!!! After the 9/11 attack they did a telethon, or something that was shown on HBO. It was moving and heartfelt until her busted ass head appeared on the screen. Something about it just seemed so manufactured - full of shit, if you will. Like anytime she appears somewhere it dumbs it down - similar to Kanye West saying 'George Bush doesn't care about black people!' during the Hurricane Katrina telethon.
In conclusion I won't be seeing that movie, and I strongly urge the rest of the world to boycott it too. For now, let's have another look at Michelle Branch.
~McTickle
Folks, call it 'cry wolf' or whatever, but my fictional affair with Mila is over. Yup, just as quick as it began, its D-O-N-E DONE.
What went wrong you say?
Ummmm, she's real-life dating a double douche...that is Macaulay Culkin...aka the dude that took it up the butt from Michael Jackson.
Given that McTickle always likes to do his "6 degrees of seperation"....i do not, let me repeat, I DO NOT want to be associated with Michael Jackson.
In related news, I wonder if Macaulay gets all cute and cuddly with Mila and calls her "Blanket". Disturbing.
Over and out. Happy weekend Pubers!
Sincerely~
Jmart "I almost just had a crush on a chick who's dating a kid who was molested by Michael Jackson" Escobar
Here it is, Scarlett Johansson's first music video from her upcoming release Anywhere I Lay My Head. The song is called Falling Down. I would watch this over and over if that's what she wanted.
Oh, and I've decided to give Scarlett her own post label. Once I update all the past posts with her you'll be able to easily click and search for her. Neat, eh?
~McTickle
It is true. Celebrity Uber Babe of the Century, Scarlett Johansson and the star of Van Wilder, Just Friends, & Waiting Ryan Reynolds have announced their engagement. She's officially off the market. That's it. Gone. Done. Finished. Finito!
Of course, we here at The Daily Pube are upset; even crying a bit. But do we hate Van Wilder for stealing our woman? No. Not one bit.
If she had to get married to someone either than any of us, we feel she chose wisely. It makes sense. He's 32, she's 23. He used to date Alanis Morisette. I'm guessing her developed a crush on her while watching the You Ought ta Know video back in 1994. I had a bit of a crush, I'll admit. So, they dated a while. It ended. He's an actor. He meets Scarlett. She's an actress. She's young, beautiful, sexy, talented, has a perfect booty, makes smoking sexy again, shows her butt in Lost in Translation. Must I continue?
His appeal to her? I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to say he's good looking and looks carved out of wood. Plus, he's funny. And neither of them seem to be the Hollywood types who would be assholes in person.
It's a good match. The Daily Pube endorses it. However, should it not work out (for whatever reason) Scarlett has my number - she knows what to do with it.
~McTickle
This story is even more hysterical due to the fact that the woman's last name is Milfs.
Milfs Opposed to Porn
Aguillera, that is. She's April's Celebrity Uber Babe Obsession of the Month. Stand up, Christina. Take a bow. MAZEL TOV!
In other news, today is May 5th. Cinco De Mayo. And it's a happy birthday to Scotty Doesn't Know! And do you all know what? He'll never know. Not only does he not contribute anymore, I don't even think he reads this rag anymore. Still, he is my colleague, so he gets birthday wishes....Go Eat Arby's, Mother Fucker!!!!
On a sadder note...I have to get back to work.
~McTickle
This just in from the CNN newsroom floor, J-Mart Escobar's all-time crush Marissa Miller's reign has ended abruptly as the undisputed 'Hottest POA on the planet'.
Yes, its true folks. I can hardly believe that I'm typing these words and it breaks my heart. How will I tell Marissa? Do I call her? Text message? I don't know, what's appropriate for breaking up these days?
Anyway...out with the old, in with the new!!!!!!!!
Last night I went to see the movie Forgetting Sara Marshall. There she was...the new Ms. Hottest POA on the planet.
From what I understand, she's probably hardly new news to y'all. But let's not forget where I live...the midwest...news travels slow out here.
Ladies and Gents...I give you...Mila Kunis aka Hottest POA On The Planet
Love~
J-Mart Escobar
