Why Subway Sucked...but now rules!

Scotty Doesn't Know... I reconfigured this whole blog so that we all - me, Ken of Snakes, J-Mart Escobar, Big Dan, and even Scotty Doesn't Know could post their own thoughts, articles, poetry, and pubes. It's fairly simple. Yet still Scotty Doesn't Know. So here I am posting his article about the new Subway sandwiches that they created clearly to counter the Quizno's ad campaign about how their sandwiches have no meat.


SDK & KofS sat down the other day to enjoy a couple of these monstrosities...hilarity ensues.


~McTickle


Subway sandwiches. Using that douche bag, Jared, to create one of the best marketing plans in recent history, consumers long believe that anything eaten at Subway is healthy. This is very similar to Vitamin Water. Lots of sugar, very little vitamins, yet people feel healthy when they drink it.

Anyway, I am too smart to be fooled by such bull shit. The real reason that Subway sandwiches are remotely healthy is because they are very cheap and only give you 3 or 4 thin sliced pieces of meat on a sandwich so of course there will be less calories. That sucks. “Double Meat” at Subway is below the average amount of meat on any regular sandwich served at any of the wonderful delis that New York City has to offer. I guess eating ice cubes and tic-tacs is a healthy meal too if you follow Subway’s “starvation towards better health” business model.

However, the executives at Subway must have reached an epiphany and finally realized that there are consumers out there like me who want to eat as much as humanly possible all the time. They have created the answer to everything that sucks about Subway.

You may have seen the commercials, you may have heard the talk on the street. But if you haven’t heard either, let me be the first to tell you- the new sandwich called “The Feast” is something that brings tears to my eye. It is like blooming flowers on a sunny May afternoon.

See the pics below to get an idea but what you should do is run (don’t walk) to your nearest Subway and order “The Feast”. You won’t be let down.




Here are some Haiku’s from myself and K of S (and McTickle) on “The Feast”:

Roasted beef and friends
Dance on towers of sorrow
Bellies fill the moonlight
~Ken of Snakes

High piles of meat.
Soft bread and veggie delight
Yum. The Lord is one.
~Scotty Doesn't Know


Pubes want to eat big
Look at the size of these things
Slobbery ensues
~McTickle